GatewayDopefish

I owe thanks to Tom Hall, the creator of the Dopefish, and my friend the Dopefish Priest who provided the first Dopefish creation and the Red Alert map (see below) which has been much altered to give the form seen below

For information on the origins of the Dopefish, goto the official Dopefish site

Also available from that site are

1. Dopefish screensavers
2. Many Dopefish pictures
3. Up to date Dopefish information
4. Dopefish Games
5. Information on which games the Dopefish appears in and how to access him
6. Lots more

The Dopefish map is in a zip in the zip. All instructions are in that zip. Just extract them to your Red Alert directory and load 'em as you see 'em

I also have an ifinite money patch for Red Alert Instructions included in zip

The Creation Dopefish style - No offence intended, this is a purely harmless joke and only stuck up prats should find this offensive and non-humorous. This is for all you stuck up prats who find this offensive:

The DOPEFISH IS LORD

<1> Before the start of time there was a fish bowl of infinite dimensions <2> and in this bowl did appear a fish <3> He swameth around all day with gases building up all the time <4> until one day he could noteth hold within <5> and he dids't let rip <6> out of his mouth poured matter of all kinds <7> included with which was a ball of gas with 9 orbiting planetoids <8> these planetoids were named Mercedes, Venusala, Pot Noodle, Mars bar, Jumper, Sat On, Your Anus, Neps Tune and Plutes O. <9> on the third orbiting planetoid, life dids't begin as bacteria from Pot Noodle(TM) remains <10> which was totally unexpected on behalf of the Dopefish <11> as this life evolved and discovered the other orbiting planetoids <12> the Dopefish didth' rename the planetoids for reasons including copyright infringement, sanitary politeness and ridicule. <13> as this live evolved on the giant mass of half digested pot noodle remains, <14> the Dopefish failed to see what had had done to create such a disastrous planetoid <15> he condemned himself to a life of terror with a sentence of continuous burping to relieve his conscience of the mess he made. <16> The Dopefish has now come to the end of his first life of many and we await his visit to the life formed from pot noodle bacteria.

THIS IS NOT THE END AS WE HAVE NOT ENDED AND NEITHER HAS DOPEFISH SO WE STILL AWAIT THE RETURN OF OUR LORD
DOPEFISH!!!!!

The Dopefish is the second dumbest creature in the world, second only to the Ravenous Buggblatter beast of Traal <I'll explain later>. He swims around all day in his fishbowl of infinite dimensions burping continuously and eating nothing but schoolfish. His memory is so small that it only contains the three commands "Swim, Swim, Hungry" over and over again. The Dopefish is the second dumbest creature due to its ability to recognize its primary food source of schoolfish. The dumbest creature in the universe if the Ravenous Buggblatter beast of Traal <see Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy> who wanders aimlessly round and eats absolutely anything that moves. They have been spotted eating missiles which are on course to their targets, and suffering no damage, so, when passing Traal, the best thing to do is not to stand your ground and fight, as you will be overcome and eaten, but to take a towel. Yes a towel. One of the most useful tools in the universe. Not only can they mop up spillages of drink, blood and vomit, but can be used to ward of the Buggblatter Beast. This is done by placing the now possibly stained and dripping towel over your head, and voila, you will be safe. The reasoning behind this is the main reason that the Buggblatter is recognized as the dumbest creature in the universe, they think that, if their prey cannot see them, they cannot see their prey. Yes! if you cover your eyes, you will not be eaten, although it is advisable to be in a sealed lead container with its own state of the art oxygen emmitor as the Buggblatter will leave behind a toxic, highly acidic trail of excrement to which only lead is resistant. This is probably the reason why the region of space around Traal is known as the Bermuda Triangle of the Universe, only we can safely assume why ships disappear

If you have, or know anybody who has any Dopefish merchandise, or your own faction devoted to the Dopefish, please email me and let me know. Your information should reach a Dopefish Zealot and will be passed on to the nearest Dopefish Overlord for analysing to see its worth of a reply. Alternatively, information on good psychiatrists is welcome.

Comments and enquiries welcome. I need some interesting mail.

This Dopefish Ring site is owned by The Kïwï. Want to join the Dopefish Ring??
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